I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
