How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
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