I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
...so i touched it.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
