chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
