Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
