i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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