If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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