I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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