Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
