I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
