Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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