dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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