Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
