2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
