Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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