slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
