God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
