I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
