i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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