I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
