He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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