ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
