Got a toothbrush?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
