Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
you have to choose: penises or morals?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
