Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
