It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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