Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
