You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
