i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Randomize
