Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
