So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Is it penis luge time yet?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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