I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Im part way to drunk.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
