the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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