Umm I'm too high to move.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
