I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
