I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
No more Irish car bombs ever.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
