you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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