If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
