and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she pinky promised me she was 18
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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