My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
