their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
