What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
