Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
