butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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