Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
