Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
