____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
