I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
