Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
