I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
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